u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
