love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
