i jhust puked up my retainher.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
