After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
