i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
