Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
