Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love you. Go after that dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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