My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize