he wants to bone in the snuggie
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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