Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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