Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize