I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
