my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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