you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
