I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
