the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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