Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
