Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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