i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
