Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
