Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
