I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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