at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
