He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
