Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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