Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
