Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
