I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
