this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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