im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
