She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
