How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
