I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
