I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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