Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
