im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
