Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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