you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
