Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
