Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
