I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need to calm my uterus...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
