i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize