In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
