I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize