I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
