i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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