Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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