im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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