so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
