So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
