My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
