last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
