i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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