if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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