He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
