So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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