I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
