just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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