i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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