Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
