Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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