Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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