hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
