i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize