I just saw a hot homeless man
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
