Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
