It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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