She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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