I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
