so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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