How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
