Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
