You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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