this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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