What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
