I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
